The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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