no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
