it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
a search helicopter?!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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