Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
