I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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