Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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