i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
