Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
