im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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