I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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