look no pants
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
