forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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