We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
do herpes really smell.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
