take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
