Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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