After last night, I could never be a politician.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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