now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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