I just threw up on my dentist
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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