I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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