when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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