Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
