Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
