Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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