hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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