My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
