if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
