Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
