I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
