Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
