new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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