you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
