That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
