I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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