I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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