Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
