I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Randomize
