then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
