I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
