She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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