i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
