she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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