i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
They are going to name an STD after you.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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