I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
