why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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