didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
