repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
