yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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