Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
