I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
