she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
