Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Boobs are out for the taking
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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